Waffling Taylors Goes To The Movies
Don’t forget to check out the other episodes in the series. Make sure to click here to see which movies we’ve already covered - we’re sure that you’ll love what you have to say.
Featured Image
First of all, we’d like to thank the amazing yurricanes for working with us to create the featured image for this episode. I think you’ll agree that it’s an amazing piece of art, and you should definitely check out their workPlayers
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Content Warning
At around 7 minutes, Squidge says:
Squidge
the arse end of that year
At 47:10 I say the following:
Jay
this is funny, isn’t it? We’re talking about masterbation now.
Please listen responsibly
Show Notes
Squidge and I have wanted to do a “Waffling Taylors goes to the movies” type of segment for ages, and we thought that we’d start with the 1994 “classic” Double Dragon. But Squidge wanted to start the whole thing with a puzzle.
thankfully, I’ve solved it for you
Can I also take a moment and point out that the art work for this episode is simply epic. It’s by the amazing Yurricanes, and you should definitely consider working with them on your next project.
Also, I messed up right off the bat by trying to convince you all that I’m actually Squidgey. And that’s not the only time that I messed up during this episode
it wouldn’t be a Waffling Taylors episode if there weren’t any gaffs from me
We also decided to rename ourselves for this episode, as you can see in the following tweet:
Due to the recent changes at Twitter, we are unable to embed tweets at this time. We apologise for the inconvenience.
And Squidge backs this up with a ridiculous pun, which I’m sure you’ll enjoy as much in print as you do in audio form:
The hosts are: Jay playing "Jimmy Lee", Squidge is playing "Squidgey-Lee" and unfortunately Dairylea couldn’t make it because he’s allergic to himself
But before I could actually mention the topic, Squidge tells us that it’s Burnout and how to avoid it
which is an episode of Tabs & Spaces - another show that you should totally listen to
after which we talk about how simple the storylines for 80s action movies and games really where.
Thoughts Going In
We waste almost no time in getting to the point and talking about the movie, itself. The first thing that we decided to do was talk about the cast and some of the other movies that they had been in.
seriously though, Robert Patrick really is a fantastic actor
I usually like distopian near-future movies, and this wasn’t an exception - as long as you divorce the game license from the movie, that is. The few pieces of adult humour were a little too much in places - things like channel 69 - and the fact that it’s set in the past
at least, it is now
Double Dragon: a movie where signs explode
and yes, that really was me
The Plot
It’s the movie "The Warriors", but for kids
and that pretty much covers it. Here’s the 10,000 ft view of the plot:
- There’s some kind of geological disaster which is never explained
Why, it’s Mario and Luigi!
- A magical maguffin is found at an old temple in Asia-land
which is Hollywood for "generic far east Asian country"
- Magical maguffin was originally found by the father of the heroes
- One half of the magical maguffin is taken by Budget Vanilla Ice
also known as Cpt. Weeb
- Heroes have the other half
- Budget Vanilla Ice uses gangs to scower the city, looking for the other half
- Heroes meet Marion, who has a double life as a vigalante
- Marion is also the daughter of the chief of police
- Budget Vanilla Ice injects Abobo with “Sub-molecular steroids”
whatever they are
Check out this flex machine!
- Abobo is sent to find the heroes and does
- Magical maguffin is returned to Ctp. Weeb, who becomes a pair of budget ninja with rubber swords
- The heroes get the magical maguffin back and become super heroes
- Heroes beat up Cpt. Weeb by taking oer his body and making him slap himself
- They all drive off into the sunset
presumably to get lemonade
- The end
But I have to say that this dude stole the show:
Seriously, this dude totally made that scene
Although it’s never explained why he has to do what he does.
After Thoughts
We both agree that it’s a fantastically fun family action movie, but that it fails a little in the world building. Then again, the action is real
as in there’s no CGI and green-screen
and that it’s
it’s an 80s action movie which was, unfortunately made in the 90s
It’s a perfectly stupid family action movie, and shouldn’t be approached from any other mindset.
Who Would We Recast?
Both Squidge an I want to have Jessie “The Body” Ventura as Abobo… which is a very strange, yet perfect recasting.
Seriously, the movie would be perfet if the producers had done that
and you can’t tell me that’s not the case
How Would We Rate It?
We don’t usually rate games or movies, in fact we have never done that. And this was a conscious decision that we made early in the life of the site
we discussed this with Chief on one of his early episodes
But we needed to figure out a way to tell you all whether we think you should watch this movie or not. In order to do this, we decided that we’d need three ratings for three categories.
The ratings are:
- Love it (best)
- Watch it
- Fling it into a tree (worst)
And the categories are:
- As a generic, action, kids, silly family movie
talk about being specific
- As a video game movie
- As a Double Dragon the video game movie
Squidges Ratings
| Category | Rating |
|---|---|
| As a generic, action, kids, silly family movie | Love it |
| As a video game movie | Love it |
| As a Double Dragon the video game movie | Fling it to a tree |
Jays Ratings
| Category | Rating |
|---|---|
| As a generic, action, kids, silly family movie | Love it |
| As a video game movie | Watch it |
| As a Double Dragon the video game movie | Fling it into a tree |
Final Thoughts
don’t spend more than £5/$7 on it, and you’ll have a great time
We would seriously recommend checking this movie out as a fun way to spend 96 minutes - but only if you can divorce the game license from the movie content.
External Links of Interest
Music
Links to the music used in the podcast can be found below. Definitely check them out, because they're amazing tracks by awesome musicians.
- Intro music is Among The Stars, from the Cosmos Music Pack by Muz Station Productions
- Spoiler Break music is Spectrum (Subdiffusion Mix) by Foniqz (BandCamp)
- Pallet Cleanser music is Breath Deep Breath Clear (Wu Chi) by Siobhan Dakay
- Outro Music is I N e e d Y o u 私の側て by G.H (removed from BandCamp)